As I was writing the first post in this series BITCHINESS – A SUBTLE ART I felt a knot in my stomach. It was a twinge of internal conflict.
I don’t know about you, but my close female friends are some of the most important people in my life. With them I can share my secrets; my doubts; talk about my man; laugh at silly things and diss about my annoyances. They will encourage me, boost me and let me know when I’m kidding myself.
Inside those friendships is a place where I make myself vulnerable – a place where the bullet proof face I show to the outside world wouldn’t withstand a high velocity marshmallow.
It may be a stereotype but it’s real. Studies have found that ‘women bond through shared intimacy and conversation’. There are also health benefits to strong female friendships. They help us cope with stress better, recover from illness and may explain why we live 7.5 years longer than men.
Female friends are there for each other. We protect our female relationships fiercely because these are so important to us. Woe betides the person that breaks the rules of the relationship, for she will pay for the betrayal. The inner bitch will strike out. We may even lose the relationship and all the positives that go with it. Now that is stressful.
Ooooh, here comes my twinge of internal conflict again. I don’t even want to imagine that would happen. Oh, what if I broke those rules? Geez, I’d feel sick.
Wait a second. How would I know if I broke these rules? What are they?
The answer is quite complex. We’ll cover this subject over the coming posts. By way of making a start, here’s one important over-riding rule.
Keep Your Account In Credit
Have you had the experience where some small thing has happened with a female friend or colleague and a voice in your head says ‘just wait a minute, this doesn’t seem fair’ ?
Well according to Dr Pat Heim this is our internal relationship balance calculator. The little voice which pops up when we sense that the balance has gone into debit.
Women build relationships by earning credits with each other. In order to maintain our relationships in credit, we subconsciously monitor the balance. The relationship is prime, pay attention to the small and the personal.
No credits –no relationship – it’s as simple as that.
What relationship rules do you think apply to your female friendships?
Please share your thoughts and any constructive comments section below.